Reflections on -100
I went and weighed myself at the health club last night. Weighing yourself at night is probably not the smartest thing, if you are looking for a low number, but it's when I'm there and I'm really more interested in trends than specific numbers. I've lost another 3.5 lbs since last week at the Dr's. This means that I'm down more than 100lbs from my initial weigh-in and less than 6 lbs to being 100 lbs lighter than my immediate pre-surgical weight.
It's weird to think that I'm half-way to the goal weight loss that the office set for me. What's even weirder, for me, is that I find I really am not that impressed. 100 is a convenient number that others can get their heads around, but it doesn't mean that much to me. What are my goals? Shit, I have no idea, really. Do any of you feel that way? I just find it hard to conceptualize the whole thing. Will I know it when I hit it? Is it a dress size? A number? Hitting a certain zone on an insurance actuarial table?
Most of the time it seems just unreal. Am I that cut off from my body? Or have I never really given a flying flip about what size I was, as long as I could move well and not terrify small children? I do find myself trying to identify both my past and current shape in other people, particularly women. Did I carry my weight there? Did I look like that? Am I more shaped like her on top? Was my gait like that? It's like having half a brain or body-shape amnesia. Thank goodness for DH - he's a great mirror and reflecting pool for these kind of questions. I don't think my denial of my previous shape was ultra-extreme - I'm about 85% on, according to DH, when I identify how I looked previously, based on other people's current shapes.
I did have a nice reaction from a lady at the health club last night. She stopped me in the dressing room, in mid-re-dressing, and asked if I had been in the morning swimming class a year ago. I told her that I had and she said she hadn't recognized me at first, but was delighted by how healthy I looked. That was so kind of her!
My latest response to how I lost so much weight (sorry Jenn): "Well, I just stopped voting Republican and the ugly pounds just melted away!" Your mileage will vary.
In other news, I can now confirm that the nausea was caused by an evil Flintstones cabal! Seriously, I probably don't tolerate either the iron or the B's in that form very well. Safely home, I did another test with the 'Stones and the nausea was pretty immediate and is still with me - along with major gurgling gas. Actually, I was up until about 6:30 this morning with the gas - both ends - nausea and general misery. Miss Tess, our faithful cat, (shown above as "party cat") was the best possible nurse cat. She seemed to instinctively know where my back was hurting and would snuggle up against me and purr. She's a sweetie.
The 'Stones were probably the major culprit in my daily nausea, at least further out. Today, I'm so not hungry, although I've gotten in about 5 glasses of water. In general, I am now able to do a bit better with food volume - about 3 oz at a time, more if I "rest" for 20-30 min between rounds.
7 comments:
I think.. regardless of how much one is going to lose.. where it ends.. is where you feel comfortable in your skin... Where u have the movement you want.. Where you feel you are at a good place.. I have about 59 more pounds to go before I get near my good place.. I guess its going to be a good place.. but I set a numeric goal 132 pounds.. and thats where I tend to be hopefully by next February... So I just think its all in what works for each of us... good luck
I think you are right about the "feel factor" being important, honib1. The weird thing is that several of my DS friends have said that they actually feel and look more comfortable at a weight significantly - i.e. 20-30lbs - above their "target weight".
Several have also commented that they feel "crepey" and "worn-out looking" at their "idea" weights.
*S*
Well, woohoo on the -100! I mean, it's a nice round number, right? And it's impressive by anyone's standards!
For myself, I still think I looked better in photos at about 20-30 pounds heavier -- and I'm around 157 right now, still three pounds away from a medically "normal" body weight for my height of 5'6".
I do feel *physically* better at this weight, though also more alienated from the image I see in the mirror, so it's a crap shoot. "Comfort" is both a physical and emotional thing. We have to work it out as we go along.
I couldn't wait to be able to say I'd lost 100 pounds. But I ask myself why it's any different than 99 or 101. Who knows? In any case, congrats are in order to you!
Miss Tess is adorable in her party attire. We call our large male "healing kitty". He always seems to know where you hurt and puts his efforts there. When our youngest daughter had her tonsils out, he wrapped himself around her neck. Cats are amazing.
Thank God you found out what was causing the nausea. That has to be such a relief.
Thanks, Deluzy and SignGurl for the congrats. It's weird how people notice more this week than they did, say, last week. At the risk of becoming a numbers slut, I will report that I did weigh myself today and am now within 2 lbs of my pre-surgical weight.
Deluzy, having seen you upclose and personal, you look wonderful in person and on photos. I, on the other hand, would not be winning any photogenic awards, whereas Signgurl probably looks great startled out of a sound sleep.
Signgurl - Miss Tess is a sweetie. She has her own homepage.
Among her many stellar qualities, she is a great nurse cat.
*S*
Wow, S! So many congratulations to you.
I think that it's definitely not a number, or a dress size, though I have often really wished that it was. It seems like it'd be a lot easier to attain that way!
When I lost weight in my early 20s, it was little things that made me know I was "there." I knew when I jumped into pictures instead of fleeing when someone pulled out the camera, or when I didn't wonder if the cashier at Kroger was thinking "No wonder" if I happened to buy a carton of ice cream, or when I realized I had been sitting in a room full of women and not once done the "Am I the Fattest?" scan I had gotten so good at.
My confidence has improved in past years, but I still know that women that far outweigh me often have an opinion of themselves that is light years ahead of mine. I'm shy to begin with, but when I'm not happy about myself, my body language screams it. I slouch, duck my head, avoid eye contact, and somehow I can still get mad that I didn't get the attention I got when I was X pounds smaller! So I blame it on the weight instead of my spot on Igor impression.
In any case, we'll get there! Wherever there is. And then we'll give lessons. ;-) In the meantime, I'd like to introduce Miss Tess to Picasso so that she can give HIM lessons on how to be a Nurse Kitty... I'm so glad that you're feeling better. Do you remember the Flintstones episode where there WAS an evil Fred doppleganger? Obviously the culprit here.
Thanks again for stopping by my page, I am glad it led me to your blog! Take care!
Hi Amy! Welcome! Yep, it would be a lot easier if it were just a single number that a person could focus on, wouldn't it? It's the "feel factor" that makes it tough - how do I feel now? How do I feel in these pants?
Fat and shy would be tough - I hand it to you. I was raised by the Posture Police, so slouching was never an option, unless I wanted a bony finger dug deep into the small of my back. With my significant bustline, I would have tended to bend forward, had it not been for the constant refrain of "Sit up/Stand up straight!" "You're slouching!" "Stand up!"
Yes, we will get there. And we will teach. And we will franchise. And we will be rich AND thin beyond our wildest dreams. And then our cats will begin not only to obey, but to serve us. And cars will fly around controlled by our telepathic powers and there will be no yellow lights. Ok, well, at least we will get there. The rest of it is a production of my hyperactive mind and 3 mini-reeses cups, and does not reflect in any way on your sincerity.
Or your prodigious knowledge of the Flintstones. I had completely forgotten about evil Fred! You are so right!
If only I could convince Miss Tess to stop being such a 'fraidy cat in terms of strangers, she could at least meet other cats and give advice, especially if a well-place tuna bribe was placed discreetly, but conveniently, near her food bowl.
*S*
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